One of the nicest things about Substack is that it offers me a chance to pose questions and for you to reflect and answer. I’m going to try and do this every Friday: questions about all sorts of things. Following on from my post earlier this week, I’d love to know if there are any truths or vulnerabilities that you are struggling to face right now that are making you pull back from the creative things you want to do.
Tell me:
1. What don’t you want to bring to the page?
2. Rather than try to leave it behind, how could you boldly bring that truth right into your creative work?
Join the discussion below.
P.S This is also the perfect opportunity to introduce my friend Alice’s creativity-boosting Substack which she’s starting to grow too: check out Kindling
1. I want to do more drawing and sketching through the day but I don't want to bring my increasingly poor eyesight and my fatigue to the page. I find it hard to draw from life, things blur and warp and I get tired so quickly. Plus I only have the one, same view and I'm ashamed I'm not more interesting. I just want to have a perfect, beautiful, Instagram-worthy sketchbook and hate that I can't magic that into being!
2. I keep telling myself that maybe instead I could do REALLY SMALL drawings, just for a few minutes? And who says they need to be accurate? I could just look for a set of lines I like, or a colour or a shape or a texture, and just try to record that one thing. I could deliberately make my sketches different from everyone else's rather than try to look the same!
I'm making a book to help me process my grief and celebrate the moments of light since my husband died 3 weeks ago. Sticking in pictures, quotes, poems, insights but I'm a week behind and feel like I never catch up, I'd like to be doing it day by day but resist and resist starting and then love it when I do. and shall I include the anger, pain etc as well?
1. My creative side tends towards craft, rather than art (I'm a demon sock knitter and can't keep up with the demand from family and friends). But I want to make ART. I cringe from befouling the page with my 'primitive' drawings and my tedious, predictable doggerel.
2. I have an idea I could keep a journal amalgamating drawings of small beautiful details of things, rather than trying to accurately depict a lifelike copy, and surround it on the page with beautiful words and phrases that make me happy, instead of skillfully perfect poems.
Not specifically creative, as such, but for reasons I email my Mum each day, which acts like my diary. Just what has happened, interesting things I’ve seen or thought and general news, it’s become a daily habit.
I find I tend to put a positive spin on things, partly because it’s my mum and I don’t want to worry her, but also because I find I don’t want to dwell on the things that aren’t so great. I can’t decide if it’s dishonest or just highlighting the good and more actively laying down those memories.
1. Whenever I try to do anything artitistic I always try to find the ‘right way’ to do it. And that always leads me to feel stressed and not good enough. I don’t want to bring my feelings of not being enough-ness. Not being arty enough, not being able to draw or write or sing in the right way (well). Not being able to practise coz chronically ill. I feel like time moves so differently with energy limitations that I will never be catch up in the way healthy people are.
2. Recently (occasionally) I have approached things as exploration, not doing it for a perfect product in the end, but the feeling I get as I create it. Maybe I could keep creating something based off of that feeling. I’m doing it for me- so why is my focus when doing it always on whether other people will find it palatable?
I've just moved house and so far I haven't done any of the crafts I dabble in (knitting, crochet, hand-sewing). There's something about feeling that I should be doing something more practical, useful, productive - which I know is a rather familiar and persistent thought/feeling. I am enjoying 'making home' and doing some de-construction in order to make space for this emerging home. So maybe that's a different sort of creativity, which is for now?
1) What I don't want to bring?! My strange attempts to knit something worth having during the first lockdown! My living with constant aftermath of CFS lingering on the sidelines along with other restricting health issues
2) I have found, just at the right moment, a dance/movement therapist. This was and has always been my creativity - to move and dance - but at one time I couldn't watch dance because I was so restricted and envious of anyone who could. Gradually over the years I began moving again. The other day I was so tired when I went to see her that what I did was to lie on my back and move my fingers and toes. Another time I moved in a poignant dance to grieve my lost breast. So I remember to knit with my body in patterns now instead bewailing my attempts with wool or other material!
1. I want to write a memoir about what it is like to live with Fibromyalgia (and many other subjects to be honest) but I fear an aspect of our the anglo-saxon culture which compels us to "keep your chin up", or "be positive" and above all else, "don't complain". I don't want my frustrations with my chronic illness to be perceived as martyrdom and I feel like whatever I write, how it's perceived will never be in my control so I need to thicken my skin. Also, I have trouble concentrating and finishing things, and am ashamed of appearing disorganised, so I overcompensate with overpreparation whenever I can focus on one thing. My writing reveals this to me so I guess I have found it hard to face over the past year and a half, which is when I stopped writing. It was right after my uncle died and my dad had a stroke, from which he thankfully recovered, but which has left him injured and unable to see from one eye. There was so much to do at that time and ever since, that it it provided a way to hide from what my writing reveals, which was easier than continuing down a certain path to discovery.
2. Recently, I started writing again, but not the way I expected to. It began with an online course called "Understanding Autism", and my return to writing was sparked by my decision to share my son's autism diagnosis with his school. I had to write long, detailed letters to doctors and teachers, about his anxiety, his social struggles and his sometimes frightening meltdowns. Then I began to prepare to tell him about his own diagnosis. This will happen in coming weeks. However, despite being absorbed by the subject, it still wasn't enough to feed the hunger to write. In recent days, I also found myself absorbed in "calling out" episodes of online bullying among the online community I am in. I confronted someone by telephone, having first written out all of my thoughts and feelings about the exchange. In the background of all of this writing, I piece together what is going on with myself and with my family. I have discovered lately that injustice, censorship, bullying and also the world of high functioning autism are subjects which are deeply important to me. However, writing a memoir feels too risky in terms of exposure for people around me. I don't know how to do that.
I'll start us off.
1. I want to do more drawing and sketching through the day but I don't want to bring my increasingly poor eyesight and my fatigue to the page. I find it hard to draw from life, things blur and warp and I get tired so quickly. Plus I only have the one, same view and I'm ashamed I'm not more interesting. I just want to have a perfect, beautiful, Instagram-worthy sketchbook and hate that I can't magic that into being!
2. I keep telling myself that maybe instead I could do REALLY SMALL drawings, just for a few minutes? And who says they need to be accurate? I could just look for a set of lines I like, or a colour or a shape or a texture, and just try to record that one thing. I could deliberately make my sketches different from everyone else's rather than try to look the same!
Hi Josie and Josie's Tribe.
Angela in Ireland here.
I've been wondering how you and your lovely boy are?
It takes me time to formulate my thoughts so I'll have a good think about your questions.
This is a great idea and another reason to love Fridays. Thanks. Many blessings y'all.
I'm making a book to help me process my grief and celebrate the moments of light since my husband died 3 weeks ago. Sticking in pictures, quotes, poems, insights but I'm a week behind and feel like I never catch up, I'd like to be doing it day by day but resist and resist starting and then love it when I do. and shall I include the anger, pain etc as well?
1. My creative side tends towards craft, rather than art (I'm a demon sock knitter and can't keep up with the demand from family and friends). But I want to make ART. I cringe from befouling the page with my 'primitive' drawings and my tedious, predictable doggerel.
2. I have an idea I could keep a journal amalgamating drawings of small beautiful details of things, rather than trying to accurately depict a lifelike copy, and surround it on the page with beautiful words and phrases that make me happy, instead of skillfully perfect poems.
Not specifically creative, as such, but for reasons I email my Mum each day, which acts like my diary. Just what has happened, interesting things I’ve seen or thought and general news, it’s become a daily habit.
I find I tend to put a positive spin on things, partly because it’s my mum and I don’t want to worry her, but also because I find I don’t want to dwell on the things that aren’t so great. I can’t decide if it’s dishonest or just highlighting the good and more actively laying down those memories.
For several decades now the one thing I go back to is, ‘If a thing is worth doing it’s worth doing badly’.
I want to establish a regular writing habit. Not aiming for perfection but can't seem to write consistently. Too many practical tasks get in the way.
1. Whenever I try to do anything artitistic I always try to find the ‘right way’ to do it. And that always leads me to feel stressed and not good enough. I don’t want to bring my feelings of not being enough-ness. Not being arty enough, not being able to draw or write or sing in the right way (well). Not being able to practise coz chronically ill. I feel like time moves so differently with energy limitations that I will never be catch up in the way healthy people are.
2. Recently (occasionally) I have approached things as exploration, not doing it for a perfect product in the end, but the feeling I get as I create it. Maybe I could keep creating something based off of that feeling. I’m doing it for me- so why is my focus when doing it always on whether other people will find it palatable?
I've just moved house and so far I haven't done any of the crafts I dabble in (knitting, crochet, hand-sewing). There's something about feeling that I should be doing something more practical, useful, productive - which I know is a rather familiar and persistent thought/feeling. I am enjoying 'making home' and doing some de-construction in order to make space for this emerging home. So maybe that's a different sort of creativity, which is for now?
1. I find I often want my writing to be right first time... so I guess I don't want to bring mistakes, imperfection and having to re-cover old ground.
2. I wonder whether I can practice with something else - like my walks - allow myself to get lost and retrace my steps and see the beauty in that.
1) What I don't want to bring?! My strange attempts to knit something worth having during the first lockdown! My living with constant aftermath of CFS lingering on the sidelines along with other restricting health issues
2) I have found, just at the right moment, a dance/movement therapist. This was and has always been my creativity - to move and dance - but at one time I couldn't watch dance because I was so restricted and envious of anyone who could. Gradually over the years I began moving again. The other day I was so tired when I went to see her that what I did was to lie on my back and move my fingers and toes. Another time I moved in a poignant dance to grieve my lost breast. So I remember to knit with my body in patterns now instead bewailing my attempts with wool or other material!
1. I want to write a memoir about what it is like to live with Fibromyalgia (and many other subjects to be honest) but I fear an aspect of our the anglo-saxon culture which compels us to "keep your chin up", or "be positive" and above all else, "don't complain". I don't want my frustrations with my chronic illness to be perceived as martyrdom and I feel like whatever I write, how it's perceived will never be in my control so I need to thicken my skin. Also, I have trouble concentrating and finishing things, and am ashamed of appearing disorganised, so I overcompensate with overpreparation whenever I can focus on one thing. My writing reveals this to me so I guess I have found it hard to face over the past year and a half, which is when I stopped writing. It was right after my uncle died and my dad had a stroke, from which he thankfully recovered, but which has left him injured and unable to see from one eye. There was so much to do at that time and ever since, that it it provided a way to hide from what my writing reveals, which was easier than continuing down a certain path to discovery.
2. Recently, I started writing again, but not the way I expected to. It began with an online course called "Understanding Autism", and my return to writing was sparked by my decision to share my son's autism diagnosis with his school. I had to write long, detailed letters to doctors and teachers, about his anxiety, his social struggles and his sometimes frightening meltdowns. Then I began to prepare to tell him about his own diagnosis. This will happen in coming weeks. However, despite being absorbed by the subject, it still wasn't enough to feed the hunger to write. In recent days, I also found myself absorbed in "calling out" episodes of online bullying among the online community I am in. I confronted someone by telephone, having first written out all of my thoughts and feelings about the exchange. In the background of all of this writing, I piece together what is going on with myself and with my family. I have discovered lately that injustice, censorship, bullying and also the world of high functioning autism are subjects which are deeply important to me. However, writing a memoir feels too risky in terms of exposure for people around me. I don't know how to do that.