1.
This body is complicated.
This body hurts.
It rages.
It is loud and draining.
2.
This body feels tired
as easily as it breathes.
It demands that I stop.
It will make me stop if I push it.
3.
This mind is complicated too.
4.
It forgets to be awareÂ
and it forgets to be quiet.Â
It spins tangles of thoughts
and gets stuck in them.
5.
Some days, it runs so fast,Â
it would make meÂ
go and go and go
until I dropped.
6.
I love the firework days,
But all too often
I wake to ash.
The wasteland daysÂ
when all I want to do is sleep
hurt me more than my body does.
7.
I don’t know why my body rages.
I don’t know why my mind
shuts down.
8.
But
this IS the bodyÂ
the one must I useÂ
to write my bookÂ
and make my artÂ
every single day.
9.
This IS the mindÂ
the one I must encourage
to start, to stick,Â
to stop and start again.
10.
To write and make art every day
the way I long for,Â
I must come as I am.Â
11.
My body and mind are flawedÂ
and so
some days,Â
many days,
the work will be too.Â
12.
This is its texture,Â
its interest, its honesty,
its surprise and its voice.Â
This is its joy and its aching grief.
13.
I have to allow it to happen.
The single thingÂ
standing in my way
is trying to be something
I’m not.
14.
I must help
my flawed body,Â
my flawed mind,Â
to make flawed things;Â
as many as I can.
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Your deep reverence strips away all traces of shame from those with defiantly anti-capitalist illnesses. I have shared your book with other chronically ill friends and it has brought deep solace.
That was breathtaking! What a treasure of mindfullness you are,Josie. Your bravery and honesty are inspiring. Thank you.